Geek's Guide Inside the Theater

OMG, I'm O-L-D!

2008-12-24T21:40:00.001-08:00

When did it happen?

My inaanak which I last saw while he was 6 months old is now a towering adolescent.

My twin cousins are now rambuctious nine-year-olds but somehow they still looked like 5-year-olds in my head.

Ella's friends are now managers, models, etc.

Jamie is getting married on January.

I am growing freakin' old, which proves nobdy really knows they're getting older. Everyone feels the same age inside. No wonder so many people are in denial about it.

How old are you?

OMG, I'm O-L-D!

2008-12-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

When did it happen?

My inaanak which I last saw while he was 6 months old is now a towering adolescent.

My twin cousins are noew rambuctious nine-year-olds but somehow they still looked like 5-year-olds in my head.

Ella's friends are now managers, models, etc.

Jamie is getting married on January.

I am growing freakin' old, which proves nobdy really knows they're getting older. Everyone feels the same age inside. No wonder so many people are in denial about it.

How old are you?

Harry Trumps Edward wink

2008-11-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

If we’re going to talk about fantasy boyfriends based on book characters, I have my own thing.

I love Harry Dresden.

Working as the only wizard in the Chicago phonebook gets him the oddest and dirtiest jobs like hunting down vampires and cleaning up after faeries and chasing ghouls. But he does what he thinks is right even if it means he’ll get hurt. Sure, to some that’s idiocy, but on him, it’s almost noble.

He gets scared. Terrified, most of the times. But he keeps his priorities intact. And if everything else fails, he still saves the girl (or vampire or werewolf) even if it meant dying in the effort.

He feels lonely. He seeks comfort, but knows it will always avoid him. He knows he will die alone, but carries on nevertheless.

He cracks me up. It doesn’t matter if he’s being hounded by killer zombies, he can still find the funny things to keep himself sane. Beats shouting “Ludicrus!”

He’s wise. Not all of the time, yes. But he’s got a deeper sense of humanity, our desires and our motivations. He knows how these things affect magic, and how to utilize it.

He’s human. Yeah, he’s got a longer life span than normal humans, but he will die and can die if killed in combat. He knows, fears, understands and faces Death. He respects death, and thus, lives Life.

Vampires go to him for help. He’s never sappy. He’s embarrassingly honest. He always stands up for what he believes is right.

He isn’t porcelain pretty; he looks like his beat-up VW most of the time. Rugged around the edges, a total fashion idiot-savant, and talks to skulls. But you can feel vitality when you’re around him. His passions overflow.

This is my kind of guy. I don’t need a boyfriend who sparkles in the sunlight. I want someone who will stand beside me in the sunlight, normal-like. Except that, I can hear his heart beating, and it tells me I can be certain he will fight for me and the things he believes I stand for to the very edge of his precious Life.

:*)

The Amityville Horror

2005-05-14T07:42:00.000-07:00

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George, Philip Baker Hall
Directed by: Andrew Douglas

The thing about Horror Movies is that they often turn out to be Horrible Movies. A lot of films go for the gore and the ugly faces to freak people out, and I wish I could say this movie had been different. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

I wasn’t able to watch the original Amityville Horror movie of 1979. And somehow, I don’t think I want to now. Come to think of it, I am not a horror movie fanatic. I avoid it as much as I can. Not just because I scare easy, but also because horror movies rarely know where the truth is at. As I’ve said, they like popping in bloody faces in, blood dripping from faucets, kids hanging by their necks from the rafters are also a favorite, and of course, the self-closing and opening windows and doors. As if the only way you could tell there’s a ghost in the house is if your door acts on automatic pilot most of the time. Bill Gates’ house has doors and windows that open at the touch of a button, a pool that fills itself up, and a broom that sweeps the floor all by itself, but somehow no one ever thought that as frightening. Only how much money he’s making earns the gasps of disbelief. But I digress. Most horror movies disappoint me, because obviously, the scriptwriters never saw a ghost in their life and they’re just pilfering ideas from other scare-movies until they’ve rehashed everything ad nauseam.

The scariest things are unseen – you’d think they know that. Horror is a mental state, not a visual effect. A good scary story must have a story, first of all, a presence, a looming darkness, an uncertainty. Good horror films work well because they have a preference to use shadows and blurry edges. They find a way to evoke the heavy-air feeling that ghostly presence brings with it. That’s what it feels like to feel ghosts, and you can trust my word for it. Evil is another word that brings crisp thunder to mind, a cackling laugh that sticks in you head, and malevolent intent that you could feel prickling at the back of your neck. It rarely needs to involve bathroom mirrors and bathtubs with unseen hands dragging you down.

It would also help if the actors in the film could at least partially pretend they weren’t just pretending to be scared. Alright, I’d be a little nicer and give credit where it’s due. Ryan Reynolds has improved as an actor. He can now act out three emotions: cocky assuredness, cocky goofiness and cocky dementia. Bra-vo. True enough, he’s got one hot and buff bod. Only it was offset by his red-blood contact lenses. Meanwhile, Melissa George is a younger looking Olivia D’Abo. And –uhm, I’m sorry to say that’s about everything I remember about her. All the kids were stereotypical: the angsty teenager, the middle-child pisser and the sweet little girl who befriends the friendly little girl ghost.

The movie just very plainly failed to terrify. But at the very least, it’s good enough for a few cheap thrills, if that’s what you’re after. It wasn’t exactly unbearable – at some point, there were very funny scenes. Unfortunately, they were the ones that supposed to elicit the screams.

Ha. But it did teach me a lesson, y’know – never, ever buy an old house. Don’t ever say houses can’t kill people. Coz that just means you haven’t watched enough movies. And most of all, don’t ever watch horror movie remakes ever again. Just don’t.

Finding Neverland

2005-05-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

Staring: Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Dustin Hoffman, Freddy Highmore

I had my doubts about Finding Neverland, since I was never really a big fan of Johnny Depp and after Pirates of the Caribbean, I just couldn’t see him playing a writer. I’ve heard some people say it was fantastic and that they’ve cried buckets, while some said it was boring and tedious. The thought of crying buckets over a film never really was an enticing factor to me. The reason I forced myself to watch it was because I have to pay tribute to J.M. Barrie, whom I idolize as the man who found a way to never grow up. He was able to create a world only the best of us could ever dream up. For me, he’s up there with JRR Tolkien and Ursule Le Guin.

But in increasingly surprising turns, I found myself completely falling in love with the story. Well, yes, it wasn’t perfect, but it was an imaginative take on a great writer’s life. The pace of the movie was slow – but I believe that’s only to give the audience enough time to digest the fascinating aspects of all the characters. Oh my God, some people actually thought that as boring? If they only had enough imagination and used it, the spaces in the film could have been easily filled up. And Johnny Depp – well, I have to give credence to this guy. He has a knack for taking the weirdest characters in all of Hollywood, and make it believable. Remember when people scoffed when he was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in Pirates of the Caribbean? You won’t scoff now, because he truly deserves a bit of recognition for taking a role that could have easily been boring. Somehow, he was able to portray a subtly compelling naïve, impervious genius without any goofball stunts. From pirate to Scottish writer (with proper Scottish accent). Amazing this guy, I realized. He could practically be anything.

The other luminous actor in the movie, even more so than Depp, was Freddy Highmore who played Peter Llewelyn Davies. I’ve never been as riveted watching every emotion on a young boy’s face since the Sixth Sense (with Haley Osment). This kid is intense.

Now, do I mention Kate Winslet? Well, yeah, okay, she was fairly acceptable as the widow Du Marier. But I found myself thinking something was missing from her whole performance. Oh yeah, Imagination. I could’ve watched any old telenovela on TV and it wouldn’t have made a difference.

But – oh but, the best reason to watch this movie is for the imagery. Now, don’t go expecting an LOTR type of set where everything was made real and life-sized. You need to use your imagination, and the movie chose not to impose theirs. You can see that some of the scenes were using props and men in costume and fake water, etc… But it doesn’t matter. You just see --- for yourself and with your own eyes – what you want to see. This is the whole point of the film after all.

Lastly, a lot of people seem to be touched by the last scene of the movie. Yes, it was good. Very good writing and most excellent acting. But I don’t know if I should blame Kate Winslet’s performance because I didn’t find myself caring very much that she died at all. Pity, because it’s supposed to be the climax of the film. Why did she have to die? So she could go to Neverland. Well, good for her and good riddance.

But to believe, just to believe… that gave me a bit more emotion.

And when Peter finally whispered, “I can see her…”, I wanted to see as well. Then I remembered that I have a Neverland too and I can go there anytime I want ---

I, too can see, and I, too, believe.

Watch this movie when it comes out on video -- we all need something to remind us that it's not always so bad to want to never grow up.

Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous

2005-05-14T02:08:00.000-07:00

BULLOCK SCORES ANOTHER HIT

You don't have to be Einstein to enjoy the movie. You just have to be, well, really bored. Or a big Sandra fan. And it turns out I am both.

Be sure to understand that when you do buy the ticket for this movie, you are accepting the fact that it's a feel-good movie, trying very hard to be politically correct about the everlasting contest between beauty and brains and yet absolutely failing in that regard.

Sure, you could see the punch line a mile away, but who cares? It's never cheap, and are executed perfectly by the actors. Sandra Bullock is fabulous in that role. She's believable as a tomboyish-hell-may-care-how-flat-my-hair-kinda-girl. And yet, she's believable as a beauty queen/public figure too. It's a big hooray to girls who aren't known for being beautiful but being good in what they do. Big props to Sam Fuller as well. Although, she is a bit too intense and mellowed out a bit too swiftly if I may say so myself. But hey, attitude problems are rarely resolved in two hours. And the movie could only last so long.

It's still showing in theaters, peeps... try to catch it when you can.
**** out of 5 stars

THE PACIFIER

2005-04-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

THE PACIFIER IS TRUE TO IT'S NAME: IT SUCKS

I was looking forward to this movie. The teasers were simply funny! But then the thing about heightened expectations is that sooner or later you'd realize it's a very long way to fall --- and usually the floor wouldn't be as friendly as turning to a trampoline to throw you back up again.

This movie, just really, really, really sucked. The punchlines are decades old, Vin Diesel can't act, the kids although cute are shallow and vapid and IRRITATING. The best actor in the whole film is a three-month old kid who can't even speak yet. ANd this movie has a duck in it. A DUCK. I mean, c'mon. Mixing Vin Diesel and a duck. When did they ever think that would ever fly??? And it wasn't even a cute duck. It was a shallow and vapid and IRRITATING duck.

The plot could've been written by a six-year-old kid obsessed with the Navy Seals. It makes as much sense and excitement as an M&M's commercial.

Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous

2005-04-05T02:08:00.000-07:00

Million Dollar Baby

2005-03-18T00:50:00.000-08:00

How do I start describing this movie? I tried to think of something scathing and sassy to say, but the words would not come that way. In all honesty, the movie has left me at loss for words. Because I did not hate it. And because I could not love it either. How could I love a story that relates pain and guilt, loss and death, blood and more blood up to the very end? Thing is, I didn't even notice the movie was about violence at all. It wasn't a movie about boxing, it was about a boxer. I think that's the only reason I was able to stand the movie at all. Morgan Freeman narrates the whole story, and his voice was never affectual, no nuances to over emphasize or solicit any reaction. He just tells us the story of this girl who came into his best friend's life (Clint Eastwood), and who dared to claim a dream, and then left before she was fully able to realize it. I think this is the first Eastwood film I have watched from start to finish, and i found it sparse and lean. That's probably how beauty came to the story. There were no effects, it was just storytelling. We just meet three superbly ordinary people who were just as real as anybody else. The characters didn't aim for sentimentality and mush, they were clear and direct. Hillary Swank seems to have a knack for playing fierce women and I have to admit the movie wouldn't be the same without her.

My favorite line in the movie comes from the scene where Clint Eastwood consults the priest about a hard decision he had to make. The priest replies without the standard churchy answer, but with brevity. "If you do this thing, you' ll be lost, somewhere so deep you will never find yourself."

Alas, how many times does that ring true for all of us?

The only complaint I could muster is that I had to rely heavily on body language to understand what they were saying half of the time. The characters' accents makes every sentence they utter sound like grunts and growls to me. Also, I can't give away the ending yet, since it's still being shown and you might want to watch it. Let me just say, that the movie deserves its Oscar.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2005-03-18T00:47:00.000-08:00

I know this movie was something interesting to watch. Even if I believed it's interesting in an unfortunate kind of way. Even if I'm not a fan of the books. And even if I'm not a fan of Jim Carrey. It's weird that this time, it's the movie that's actually good (pwede na) while the books leave something to be desired. And I have to admit, the movie wouldn't be the same if Jim Carrey wasn't in it, but I still have to decide whether it'll be worse or better.

If you've read the book, then you already know that the movie is about the three Baudelaire orphans who are actually left with loads of riches when their parents died. The story then revolves around the events of passing them down from guardian to guardian. One of them includes the "evil" Count Olaf. Huh. I found him more irritating than cruel. Oh yeah, it's because he's played by Jim Carrey. Anyway, evil Count Olaf keeps trying to gain guardianship of the kids so he could kill them off lump sum and get the money for himself. This involves killing the others who became guardians as well. How? Oh, lemme see: knives, snakes, flesh-eating leeches, normal standard stuff. I don't feel sad for any of the guardians who did die, because they deserve it for being as stupid as not recognizing a disguise when they see one.

I'd like to give credit to the beautiful, beautiful kids who play the Baudelaires in the movie. I love Sunny, and I would adopt her if only she weren't, well, ficitonal. It's just that, they were kind of stupid too. If they could recognize Olaf in his many forms, then why didn't they raise hell everytime they see him?? It could have saved them a lot of trouble. But I guess, the point they're trying to get across is nobody listens to children. Point taken, then. The point and the whole darn stake as well. Anyway, forgive that because the movie is still darkly delicious in its own way. It's gothic nature got exaggerated at some point, but I just shrugged it off. I could always blame it on Jim Carrey. Besides, the story was being narrated by Jude Law, and his sumptious voice smooths down the irks raised by Crazy Carrey's antics.

So now, there you go. The movie wasn't as unfortunate as I thought it would be. And now you also know, am not a Jimmy fan. If he ran for President, I say kudos to the one who haves him shot down before he actually gets a chance to win and wreak havoc to the universe...to put it lightly. eherm. =P

Sideways

2005-03-13T14:40:00.000-08:00

I had doubts paying for my ticket to see this movie. First, because I was going to watch a movie as a birthday treat for myself and my friends, and second, we were in Glorietta and tickets cost right about as much as a regular gold mine. So you see, I wanted the movie to be good. Desperately.

Looking at the promotional posters didn't assure me since one is this green bottle fallen to its side with a little man inside and the other is a picninc scene where none of the actors were drop dead gorgeous. Yes, I could get as petty as that. But we went to see it anyway, because I was with six girls and someone had to make up their minds. Hehe.

So glad we did. The theater is almost empty. Aside from the six of us, there were only seven other people in the theater. I was right about it not being much of a blockbuster here in the Philippines. Not with our inherent need to watch pretty actors and bold action shots. Who wants to watch an unattractive man living his mediocre life, eh? Turns out, I do.

Paul Giammati plays Miles -- a squat, pot-bellied wine enthusiast who brings his best friend Jack(played by Thomas Haden Church) to a wine-tasting tourney a week before the guy is to be married. Giammati's character is compassionate; a nice guy, really. But he's psychologically paralyzed due to a devastating divorce some years ago, and he's debilitated, evolved you may say, into a complete loser. Jack is a washed out actor whose last good role was a doctor on a daytime soap shown eons ago, but he's marrying an exotic beautiful woman anyway. To say he's childish is to overstate it. He acts like a teenager, and in the course of the movie, manages regress. Both men, safe to say, has peaked years ago, and are just about to plunge downwards. Or sideways.

During the trip, they meet two gorgeous women and we soon see two very different approaches to courting. The unabashed, horns on display style (Jack) and the "torpe", can-I-just-look-at-you-and-I-can-die-happy style (Miles). Have to give Kudos to Samantha Oh (Yep, that's her surname) and Virginia Madsen for playing their characters well-- characters that seems to prove women peak better than men. =P But the best thing about this movie is that it flows just like real life. You get a couple of laughs and then it'll turn serious. It's believably erratic. And it's the kind of movie which twists your stomach into painful knots, everytime you realize that mediocrity is just right around the corner. Or that you could be living it too, you're just using a different paint brush. Literally painfully true.

It's too bad it's not showing anymore. But if you do come across it again, do watch it. It's one heck of tasty punch.

2005-03-07T12:35:00.000-08:00

Promotional Poster for the Movie

A Very Long Engagement

2005-03-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

Stars:Audrey Tatou, Gerard Uliel, that funny jealous guy from Amelie, even Jodie Foster is here

Director: Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Rating : 4 of 5

Ahhh... Tatou's movies really do seem to have this lyrical, deliberately delicious slowness that would have been boring if not for her acting. I watched this movie a month ago and yet some of the images I've seen in it still pops into my mind once in a while. It seems the whole movie is a myriad of images that just happens to tell a story. I'm not saying the script is bad. The French has a different kind of twist to their humor. They never resort to bland jokes or comic relief. They rely on wit and irony to make people laugh. The thing is, I almost forgot there were sub-titles since the actors evoked the scene so well you hardly need the script.

To retell the whole story would be too complicated. The movie isn't as light hearted as the surprise hit "Amelie". No story which involves war could really ever be light hearted. Or cute. This is the story of semi-crippled Mathilde (Tatou) and Manech (Uliel) who were the best of friends and later became engaged. Their idyllic life is cut short by war, in wich Manech is drafted for. his sensitive sould could not stand war, so he tried to get out of it by shooting his hand along with some others who shared his despair. Unfortunately, they were found out and was given punishment for their supposed cowardice. This is all that Mathilde was told. Manech disappeared from the world. This is where Mathilde's resolve plays up, driven by a tenacious hope which spurned here belief that Manech lives. She investigates what happened, and ends up with so many twists and turns, I need a cheat card to keep up. But she plows on, even after she was shown the grave in which Manech was supposedly buried. In her gut, she was sure he was alive, even if all clues told her otherwise. Finally, a very simple answer came up. It turns out Manech was saved by a well-meaning comrade who exchanged their dog tags with those soldiers who were already dead. Manech recovers, but loses his memory. He was adopted by the mother of the soldier whose tag was stolen, accepting her as if he really is her son. Mathilde, in the end, finds him well and although needing to be reminded a bit of what they had. But, you know what? I don't think anyone was worried it won't work out.

I just wish more movies with this kind of creativity and prowess would be made. So sad it didn't make ti to the final list of best foreign film in the Oscars. It really should be up there with the best of them.

Prince and Me

2005-03-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

The definitive Guide to Marrying a Real Prince:
21 Rules to Live By

Rule #1
Be simple. Better yet, be a farm girl, if you could. Just make sure you have the drive to want to succeed in a medical career splitting cells and mixing blue colored liquid and stuff. Be as uptight as you could be. As a college student, act like a total spaz about your grades and make sure you whine about being totally unfocused because you still don't know what your third specialization would be right after brain surgery and cardioplasty.

Rule # 2
Work as a bartender and practice shooting people with the beer dispenser. When a good looking lout from foreign country asks you to take your top off for him, try not to act as if you're considering it. When the impulse to take your shirt off becomes unbearable, that's when you shoot people to save yourself from the agonizing decision.

Rule #3
Always keep the chair beside you in class empty. Push away any lost dorks who mistakenly sat on seat reserved for good looking lout from foreign country. See rule number 4

Rule #4
When good looking lout from some foreign country suddenly shows up in your chemistry class, make sure your eyes shoot him daggers and pins. He'd defnitely notice and would probably sit on the empty chair beside you

Rule # 5
When good looking lout asks for forgiveness quoting Shakespeare, act as if you've never heard it two hundred times in Lit class in high school. Then pretend to hate him for being so phony.

Rule # 6
At this point, you probably know that good looking lout's name is something as erudite as, well, let's say, Eddie.
Eddie now shows up at your college bar as a new food server. You notice he has no idea how to make a sandwich. Hire a friend to order a turkey sandwich from him so he'd be totally flustered as he never saw turkey in his country yet. Or he's just really clueless about select meat choice cuts. No matter, show him how to use meat slicer. Make sure you emphasize push and pull motion. Teach it wrong the first time so he'd copy you, and you could laugh at him and say, "No, like this." Have him stand behind you, hands on top of the other. Smile, and pretend not to like the feel of his breath on your neck.

Rule # 7
You are now acknowledging the fact that Eddie may not be a lout after all, just misunderstood. Ask him to help you with your Shakespeare exam. Choose the most complicated sonnet that you guess pertains to love being blind. Emphasize love being blind. That it chooses no color, status or race. Enlighten him. This is your ticket to royalty. In return help him wash his clothes. (Not to worry, when you're a princess, that'll be the end to doing the laundry)

Rule#8
When after another work day at the college bar, he asks you out -- shoot his offer down. Say something like "I'm busy coz I have a paper to write, an exam to study for and a pet piranha to feed." That'll leave him amazed since he's never been rejected before.

Rule #9
Celebrate Thanksgiving, it doesn't matter if you're Filipino and should be celebrating Rizal day instead. Invite him to come home with you to the farm as a nice gesture since his country doesn't kill turkeys to celebrate friendship and he has nowhere to go.

Rule# 10
At the farm, let him meet your nice, nice family. Ask your parents to act perturbed since you never brought a male friend ever yet (If you have brought a male friend before, ask them to acquire selective amnesia and act perturbed anyway).
Have your dad ask him to help out in the farm and say something like, "That'll be fun to watch."

Rule#11
Have him milk the cow, split logs, race lawnmowers around a circuit and make sure he hears it when your father lectures during meal time that "we are all interdependent." Ask your brothers to get into a fight so Eddie would lose all reserve and imbibed ettiquette and slug it out with ugly farm boys too.

Rule #12
After winning lawnmower race and the fist fight, let him bring you to the barn riding the lawnmower. From out of nowhere, find something to wipe his bruised face with. While wiping bruise and bloodied lip, smile and stare intently as if you find his purpled face utterly fascinating. Then open up that people are starting to get ideas about the two of you -- that you're more than friends -- phrase it so that his only response would be to say he wish you were more than friends and he'd kiss you. At this point, you're better off than any duchess because the lip lock suggests possibilities of becoming princess -- very very soon.

Rule#13
Back at school, kiss and mess about a lot. When in library, hold hands under the table. Make no excuses about the fact that you are distracted when you're supposed to be studying. Bring him to the stacks section and then really, really mess around. Take his shirt off, take your jacket off (make sure you're wearing a tank and sweater set, you still have to look decent when next incident happens)

Rule# 14
Here's the tricky part. Somehow, two photographers from his country would appear out of nowhere and would be able to take pictures of you and Eddie while at the stacks. I would suggest you learn hypnosis so that you could hypnotize a friend to call a photographer from foreign country to divulge where Eddie is. Make sure you command her to forget about it when the deed is done of course, because this should never be pinned down on you. Never. But then, again, you could just cross your fingers and wish very hard.

Rule#15
When the bulbs flash, let him drag you out of the library. It'll be great effects if its raining cats and dogs outside. Then ask very very loudly why they are calling him "Prince Edward." Then gasp with shock when he answers "Because that's my name." Hearing that, you should restrain yourself from jumping up and down and shrieking "I've hit the jackpot!" Instead, act angry and accuse him of lying to you. Ask him if there's a lot of princes in his country or is he pretty much "it." he's pretty much "it" so run. He won't run after you because its raining and it does not matter if he's soaking wet already because he already ran in the rain just two minutes ago.

Rule #16
Ignore him until he is forced to return to his own country.
Kings are human, and they are often dying every fifty years or so. Luck plays a part here when Eddie's father becomes sick and asks his son to return to assume duties of king. An egg or two offered to Sta Clara may do this. Or not.

Rule#17
While your oral exams in Shakespeare, make sure to digress and regal everyone with coincidences between Othello's love life and yours. Then run like mad to your dorm and announce to everyone you would go to Denmark (that's where Eddie came from). Your friends would be so delirious for you they won't mind helping you buy the plane ticket. Wear something farm-y, alright?

Rule#18
In Denmark, pretend not to enjoy the sights as you're distraught about Eddie or Edward. It's best to visit when Royal Family is scheduled to have parade. this way, you get to call Eddie while he's in full-prince regalia and riding a horse. When crowd recognizes you as "the fling from america" keep calling out his name. He'll find you and let you ride on his horse. Congratulations. You are one step closer to being princess.

Rule #19
Wait till Eddie finishes discussion with his family where they decide whether he should marry you or not. Odds are in your favor since Father is dying and would certainly be more appreciative of true love wining the day. then when he asks you to take a walk with him, by all means girl! Walk with him! You are nearly crowned. As he presents gorgeous gorgeous ring, act confused for the slightest moment and scream out what you've wanted to scream the moment you knew he existed "Yes! Why, Yes!"

Rule# 20
Win his family over. Wear monstrous taffeta gowns and killer shoes. Befriend little sister and let Mother know you're not out to replace her as queen (not yet anyway). Never hunch you back. Enjoy the luxuries of his life, but not too much. You must show moral fiber, and realize that you have your own dreams and losing yourself to royalty is not pretty much it (pretend if you have to). Tell Eddie this. Then leave for your own country to continue medical studies while Eddie is making his acceptance speech as new King of Denmark. Like, you couldn't wait one more day to get back to your split cells or something. you're almost there girl.

Rule #21
Wait five years till you get your most-coveted affix "Doctor". 80 out of 100 chance he'd be there during your graduation. By this time, his mother the queen would also be very old. So the witch won't be aproblem anymore. He'll ask you to marry him again. This time say yes and mean it. Kiss like crazy. That tells everybody you're about to live happily ever after and they should scooter off. If they won't, scream "off with their heads!" and the guards would have to follow you because you, my dearie, have become the QUEEN.

Read the small print: This is not by any chance a sure fire way of winning the heart of a prince. if it backfires, well, hell, sorry na lang. We can't all be marrying princes anyway. All characters are fictional and if they do sound like somebody you know, that's just probably coincidence because the Prince of Denmark is an old foggy. Oh and yeah, have you noticed that Prince William is starting to go bald already? Marrying Princes are not all it seems to be.

Geek's Guide Inside the Theater

OMG, I'm O-L-D!

OMG, I'm O-L-D!

Harry Trumps Edward *wink*

The Amityville Horror

Finding Neverland

Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous

THE PACIFIER

Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous

Million Dollar Baby

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Sideways

A Very Long Engagement

Prince and Me

Harry Trumps Edward wink