Prince and Me

The definitive Guide to Marrying a Real Prince:
21 Rules to Live By

Rule #1
Be simple. Better yet, be a farm girl, if you could. Just make sure you have the drive to want to succeed in a medical career splitting cells and mixing blue colored liquid and stuff. Be as uptight as you could be. As a college student, act like a total spaz about your grades and make sure you whine about being totally unfocused because you still don't know what your third specialization would be right after brain surgery and cardioplasty.

Rule # 2
Work as a bartender and practice shooting people with the beer dispenser. When a good looking lout from foreign country asks you to take your top off for him, try not to act as if you're considering it. When the impulse to take your shirt off becomes unbearable, that's when you shoot people to save yourself from the agonizing decision.

Rule #3
Always keep the chair beside you in class empty. Push away any lost dorks who mistakenly sat on seat reserved for good looking lout from foreign country. See rule number 4

Rule #4
When good looking lout from some foreign country suddenly shows up in your chemistry class, make sure your eyes shoot him daggers and pins. He'd defnitely notice and would probably sit on the empty chair beside you

Rule # 5
When good looking lout asks for forgiveness quoting Shakespeare, act as if you've never heard it two hundred times in Lit class in high school. Then pretend to hate him for being so phony.

Rule # 6
At this point, you probably know that good looking lout's name is something as erudite as, well, let's say, Eddie.
Eddie now shows up at your college bar as a new food server. You notice he has no idea how to make a sandwich. Hire a friend to order a turkey sandwich from him so he'd be totally flustered as he never saw turkey in his country yet. Or he's just really clueless about select meat choice cuts. No matter, show him how to use meat slicer. Make sure you emphasize push and pull motion. Teach it wrong the first time so he'd copy you, and you could laugh at him and say, "No, like this." Have him stand behind you, hands on top of the other. Smile, and pretend not to like the feel of his breath on your neck.

Rule # 7
You are now acknowledging the fact that Eddie may not be a lout after all, just misunderstood. Ask him to help you with your Shakespeare exam. Choose the most complicated sonnet that you guess pertains to love being blind. Emphasize love being blind. That it chooses no color, status or race. Enlighten him. This is your ticket to royalty. In return help him wash his clothes. (Not to worry, when you're a princess, that'll be the end to doing the laundry)

Rule#8
When after another work day at the college bar, he asks you out -- shoot his offer down. Say something like "I'm busy coz I have a paper to write, an exam to study for and a pet piranha to feed." That'll leave him amazed since he's never been rejected before.

Rule #9
Celebrate Thanksgiving, it doesn't matter if you're Filipino and should be celebrating Rizal day instead. Invite him to come home with you to the farm as a nice gesture since his country doesn't kill turkeys to celebrate friendship and he has nowhere to go.

Rule# 10
At the farm, let him meet your nice, nice family. Ask your parents to act perturbed since you never brought a male friend ever yet (If you have brought a male friend before, ask them to acquire selective amnesia and act perturbed anyway).
Have your dad ask him to help out in the farm and say something like, "That'll be fun to watch."

Rule#11
Have him milk the cow, split logs, race lawnmowers around a circuit and make sure he hears it when your father lectures during meal time that "we are all interdependent." Ask your brothers to get into a fight so Eddie would lose all reserve and imbibed ettiquette and slug it out with ugly farm boys too.

Rule #12
After winning lawnmower race and the fist fight, let him bring you to the barn riding the lawnmower. From out of nowhere, find something to wipe his bruised face with. While wiping bruise and bloodied lip, smile and stare intently as if you find his purpled face utterly fascinating. Then open up that people are starting to get ideas about the two of you -- that you're more than friends -- phrase it so that his only response would be to say he wish you were more than friends and he'd kiss you. At this point, you're better off than any duchess because the lip lock suggests possibilities of becoming princess -- very very soon.

Rule#13
Back at school, kiss and mess about a lot. When in library, hold hands under the table. Make no excuses about the fact that you are distracted when you're supposed to be studying. Bring him to the stacks section and then really, really mess around. Take his shirt off, take your jacket off (make sure you're wearing a tank and sweater set, you still have to look decent when next incident happens)

Rule# 14
Here's the tricky part. Somehow, two photographers from his country would appear out of nowhere and would be able to take pictures of you and Eddie while at the stacks. I would suggest you learn hypnosis so that you could hypnotize a friend to call a photographer from foreign country to divulge where Eddie is. Make sure you command her to forget about it when the deed is done of course, because this should never be pinned down on you. Never. But then, again, you could just cross your fingers and wish very hard.


Rule#15
When the bulbs flash, let him drag you out of the library. It'll be great effects if its raining cats and dogs outside. Then ask very very loudly why they are calling him "Prince Edward." Then gasp with shock when he answers "Because that's my name." Hearing that, you should restrain yourself from jumping up and down and shrieking "I've hit the jackpot!" Instead, act angry and accuse him of lying to you. Ask him if there's a lot of princes in his country or is he pretty much "it." he's pretty much "it" so run. He won't run after you because its raining and it does not matter if he's soaking wet already because he already ran in the rain just two minutes ago.

Rule #16
Ignore him until he is forced to return to his own country.
Kings are human, and they are often dying every fifty years or so. Luck plays a part here when Eddie's father becomes sick and asks his son to return to assume duties of king. An egg or two offered to Sta Clara may do this. Or not.

Rule#17
While your oral exams in Shakespeare, make sure to digress and regal everyone with coincidences between Othello's love life and yours. Then run like mad to your dorm and announce to everyone you would go to Denmark (that's where Eddie came from). Your friends would be so delirious for you they won't mind helping you buy the plane ticket. Wear something farm-y, alright?

Rule#18
In Denmark, pretend not to enjoy the sights as you're distraught about Eddie or Edward. It's best to visit when Royal Family is scheduled to have parade. this way, you get to call Eddie while he's in full-prince regalia and riding a horse. When crowd recognizes you as "the fling from america" keep calling out his name. He'll find you and let you ride on his horse. Congratulations. You are one step closer to being princess.

Rule #19
Wait till Eddie finishes discussion with his family where they decide whether he should marry you or not. Odds are in your favor since Father is dying and would certainly be more appreciative of true love wining the day. then when he asks you to take a walk with him, by all means girl! Walk with him! You are nearly crowned. As he presents gorgeous gorgeous ring, act confused for the slightest moment and scream out what you've wanted to scream the moment you knew he existed "Yes! Why, Yes!"

Rule# 20
Win his family over. Wear monstrous taffeta gowns and killer shoes. Befriend little sister and let Mother know you're not out to replace her as queen (not yet anyway). Never hunch you back. Enjoy the luxuries of his life, but not too much. You must show moral fiber, and realize that you have your own dreams and losing yourself to royalty is not pretty much it (pretend if you have to). Tell Eddie this. Then leave for your own country to continue medical studies while Eddie is making his acceptance speech as new King of Denmark. Like, you couldn't wait one more day to get back to your split cells or something. you're almost there girl.

Rule #21
Wait five years till you get your most-coveted affix "Doctor". 80 out of 100 chance he'd be there during your graduation. By this time, his mother the queen would also be very old. So the witch won't be aproblem anymore. He'll ask you to marry him again. This time say yes and mean it. Kiss like crazy. That tells everybody you're about to live happily ever after and they should scooter off. If they won't, scream "off with their heads!" and the guards would have to follow you because you, my dearie, have become the QUEEN.

Read the small print: This is not by any chance a sure fire way of winning the heart of a prince. if it backfires, well, hell, sorry na lang. We can't all be marrying princes anyway. All characters are fictional and if they do sound like somebody you know, that's just probably coincidence because the Prince of Denmark is an old foggy. Oh and yeah, have you noticed that Prince William is starting to go bald already? Marrying Princes are not all it seems to be.