The Descendants

I watched a George Clooney film the other day, just in time to inspire me to root for him in the Oscars. Sadly, he did not win. But if I were George Clooney, just knowing that this film was made and I am in it will be enough too. 

The primary story is that of a man, initially an indifferent husband, whose wife met an accident and fell into a coma. While she was sleeping the sleep of the brain-dead, he learned that his wife was cheating on him; in fact, she was with her lover the day she had the accident. That’s just one of his problems. He is also a prima faci real estate lawyer who descended from Hawaiian royalty and is now handling the biggest sale and turnover of Kauai land to mainland developers. 

True, the latter storyline is a social commentary; the previous sounds like the dime-a-dozen melodrama. However, the movie was able to dip and dive between the two stories and turned it into a seamless whole. And in the midst of it all is Matt King (Clooney) who unravels before our very eyes. 

The centerpiece of this movie is George Clooney 2.0. I have always had a soft spot for George, him and those adorable eyes and the offbeat charm. For all I observed, that’s still him on display in this movie, but much more refined like all the best wines.  If acting was a sport like fencing, his delivery was always en pointe. Not a small feat if the emotion you’re trying to get across is something as subtle as confusion, indecision and bravura. The best line for me would be what Matt utters to his dying wife as a means of saying goodbye:

 “Goodbye, Elizabeth. Goodbye, my love, my friend, my pain, my joy. Goodbye, goodbye. Goodbye.”

The cast of characters that supports him are nothing short of brilliant. I mean, even the usually lousy Beau Bridges managed to hold off a little on his boorish acting and became something a little more tangible in this movie. 

Having watched Moneyball earlier, and having heard all the comparisons between Brad and George vying for the Best Actor trophy (which none of them did anyhow, it goes to Jean DuJardin), I’d say George came out the winner. By a far cry. 

I haven’t done this movie critiquing thing for a while, but if you ask me, I say watch it. Even if nothing blows up, or you’ve had enough of revenge movies, or you hate Hawaiian shirts. Watch it anyway. That’s the only way you could say you saw one of the best movies of 2011. Because The Descendant is truly transcendent in every way.

The Amityville Horror

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George, Philip Baker Hall
Directed by: Andrew Douglas

The thing about Horror Movies is that they often turn out to be Horrible Movies. A lot of films go for the gore and the ugly faces to freak people out, and I wish I could say this movie had been different. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

I wasn’t able to watch the original Amityville Horror movie of 1979. And somehow, I don’t think I want to now. Come to think of it, I am not a horror movie fanatic. I avoid it as much as I can. Not just because I scare easy, but also because horror movies rarely know where the truth is at. As I’ve said, they like popping in bloody faces in, blood dripping from faucets, kids hanging by their necks from the rafters are also a favorite, and of course, the self-closing and opening windows and doors. As if the only way you could tell there’s a ghost in the house is if your door acts on automatic pilot most of the time. Bill Gates’ house has doors and windows that open at the touch of a button, a pool that fills itself up, and a broom that sweeps the floor all by itself, but somehow no one ever thought that as frightening. Only how much money he’s making earns the gasps of disbelief. But I digress. Most horror movies disappoint me, because obviously, the scriptwriters never saw a ghost in their life and they’re just pilfering ideas from other scare-movies until they’ve rehashed everything ad nauseam.

The scariest things are unseen – you’d think they know that. Horror is a mental state, not a visual effect. A good scary story must have a story, first of all, a presence, a looming darkness, an uncertainty. Good horror films work well because they have a preference to use shadows and blurry edges. They find a way to evoke the heavy-air feeling that ghostly presence brings with it. That’s what it feels like to feel ghosts, and you can trust my word for it. Evil is another word that brings crisp thunder to mind, a cackling laugh that sticks in you head, and malevolent intent that you could feel prickling at the back of your neck. It rarely needs to involve bathroom mirrors and bathtubs with unseen hands dragging you down.

It would also help if the actors in the film could at least partially pretend they weren’t just pretending to be scared. Alright, I’d be a little nicer and give credit where it’s due. Ryan Reynolds has improved as an actor. He can now act out three emotions: cocky assuredness, cocky goofiness and cocky dementia. Bra-vo. True enough, he’s got one hot and buff bod. Only it was offset by his red-blood contact lenses. Meanwhile, Melissa George is a younger looking Olivia D’Abo. And –uhm, I’m sorry to say that’s about everything I remember about her. All the kids were stereotypical: the angsty teenager, the middle-child pisser and the sweet little girl who befriends the friendly little girl ghost.

The movie just very plainly failed to terrify. But at the very least, it’s good enough for a few cheap thrills, if that’s what you’re after. It wasn’t exactly unbearable – at some point, there were very funny scenes. Unfortunately, they were the ones that supposed to elicit the screams.

Ha. But it did teach me a lesson, y’know – never, ever buy an old house. Don’t ever say houses can’t kill people. Coz that just means you haven’t watched enough movies. And most of all, don’t ever watch horror movie remakes ever again. Just don’t.

Finding Neverland

Staring: Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet, Dustin Hoffman, Freddy Highmore


I had my doubts about Finding Neverland, since I was never really a big fan of Johnny Depp and after Pirates of the Caribbean, I just couldn’t see him playing a writer. I’ve heard some people say it was fantastic and that they’ve cried buckets, while some said it was boring and tedious. The thought of crying buckets over a film never really was an enticing factor to me. The reason I forced myself to watch it was because I have to pay tribute to J.M. Barrie, whom I idolize as the man who found a way to never grow up. He was able to create a world only the best of us could ever dream up. For me, he’s up there with JRR Tolkien and Ursule Le Guin.

But in increasingly surprising turns, I found myself completely falling in love with the story. Well, yes, it wasn’t perfect, but it was an imaginative take on a great writer’s life. The pace of the movie was slow – but I believe that’s only to give the audience enough time to digest the fascinating aspects of all the characters. Oh my God, some people actually thought that as boring? If they only had enough imagination and used it, the spaces in the film could have been easily filled up. And Johnny Depp – well, I have to give credence to this guy. He has a knack for taking the weirdest characters in all of Hollywood, and make it believable. Remember when people scoffed when he was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in Pirates of the Caribbean? You won’t scoff now, because he truly deserves a bit of recognition for taking a role that could have easily been boring. Somehow, he was able to portray a subtly compelling naïve, impervious genius without any goofball stunts. From pirate to Scottish writer (with proper Scottish accent). Amazing this guy, I realized. He could practically be anything.

The other luminous actor in the movie, even more so than Depp, was Freddy Highmore who played Peter Llewelyn Davies. I’ve never been as riveted watching every emotion on a young boy’s face since the Sixth Sense (with Haley Osment). This kid is intense.

Now, do I mention Kate Winslet? Well, yeah, okay, she was fairly acceptable as the widow Du Marier. But I found myself thinking something was missing from her whole performance. Oh yeah, Imagination. I could’ve watched any old telenovela on TV and it wouldn’t have made a difference.

But – oh but, the best reason to watch this movie is for the imagery. Now, don’t go expecting an LOTR type of set where everything was made real and life-sized. You need to use your imagination, and the movie chose not to impose theirs. You can see that some of the scenes were using props and men in costume and fake water, etc… But it doesn’t matter. You just see --- for yourself and with your own eyes – what you want to see. This is the whole point of the film after all.

Lastly, a lot of people seem to be touched by the last scene of the movie. Yes, it was good. Very good writing and most excellent acting. But I don’t know if I should blame Kate Winslet’s performance because I didn’t find myself caring very much that she died at all. Pity, because it’s supposed to be the climax of the film. Why did she have to die? So she could go to Neverland. Well, good for her and good riddance.

But to believe, just to believe… that gave me a bit more emotion.

And when Peter finally whispered, “I can see her…”, I wanted to see as well. Then I remembered that I have a Neverland too and I can go there anytime I want ---

I, too can see, and I, too, believe.

Watch this movie when it comes out on video -- we all need something to remind us that it's not always so bad to want to never grow up.

Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous

BULLOCK SCORES ANOTHER HIT

You don't have to be Einstein to enjoy the movie. You just have to be, well, really bored. Or a big Sandra fan. And it turns out I am both.

Be sure to understand that when you do buy the ticket for this movie, you are accepting the fact that it's a feel-good movie, trying very hard to be politically correct about the everlasting contest between beauty and brains and yet absolutely failing in that regard.

Sure, you could see the punch line a mile away, but who cares? It's never cheap, and are executed perfectly by the actors. Sandra Bullock is fabulous in that role. She's believable as a tomboyish-hell-may-care-how-flat-my-hair-kinda-girl. And yet, she's believable as a beauty queen/public figure too. It's a big hooray to girls who aren't known for being beautiful but being good in what they do. Big props to Sam Fuller as well. Although, she is a bit too intense and mellowed out a bit too swiftly if I may say so myself. But hey, attitude problems are rarely resolved in two hours. And the movie could only last so long.

It's still showing in theaters, peeps... try to catch it when you can.
**** out of 5 stars

THE PACIFIER

THE PACIFIER IS TRUE TO IT'S NAME: IT SUCKS

I was looking forward to this movie. The teasers were simply funny! But then the thing about heightened expectations is that sooner or later you'd realize it's a very long way to fall --- and usually the floor wouldn't be as friendly as turning to a trampoline to throw you back up again.

This movie, just really, really, really sucked. The punchlines are decades old, Vin Diesel can't act, the kids although cute are shallow and vapid and IRRITATING. The best actor in the whole film is a three-month old kid who can't even speak yet. ANd this movie has a duck in it. A DUCK. I mean, c'mon. Mixing Vin Diesel and a duck. When did they ever think that would ever fly??? And it wasn't even a cute duck. It was a shallow and vapid and IRRITATING duck.

The plot could've been written by a six-year-old kid obsessed with the Navy Seals. It makes as much sense and excitement as an M&M's commercial.

Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous

BULLOCK SCORES ANOTHER HIT

You don't have to be Einstein to enjoy the movie. You just have to be, well, really bored. Or a big Sandra fan. And it turns out I am both.

Be sure to understand that when you do buy the ticket for this movie, you are accepting the fact that it's a feel-good movie, trying very hard to be politically correct about the everlasting contest between beauty and brains and yet absolutely failing in that regard.

Sure, you could see the punch line a mile away, but who cares? It's never cheap, and are executed perfectly by the actors. Sandra Bullock is fabulous in that role. She's believable as a tomboyish-hell-may-care-how-flat-my-hair-kinda-girl. And yet, she's believable as a beauty queen/public figure too. It's a big hooray to girls who aren't known for being beautiful but being good in what they do. Big props to Sam Fuller as well. Although, she is a bit too intense and mellowed out a bit too swiftly if I may say so myself. But hey, attitude problems are rarely resolved in two hours. And the movie could only last so long.

It's still showing in theaters, peeps... try to catch it when you can.
**** out of 5 stars

Million Dollar Baby

How do I start describing this movie? I tried to think of something scathing and sassy to say, but the words would not come that way. In all honesty, the movie has left me at loss for words. Because I did not hate it. And because I could not love it either. How could I love a story that relates pain and guilt, loss and death, blood and more blood up to the very end? Thing is, I didn't even notice the movie was about violence at all. It wasn't a movie about boxing, it was about a boxer. I think that's the only reason I was able to stand the movie at all. Morgan Freeman narrates the whole story, and his voice was never affectual, no nuances to over emphasize or solicit any reaction. He just tells us the story of this girl who came into his best friend's life (Clint Eastwood), and who dared to claim a dream, and then left before she was fully able to realize it. I think this is the first Eastwood film I have watched from start to finish, and i found it sparse and lean. That's probably how beauty came to the story. There were no effects, it was just storytelling. We just meet three superbly ordinary people who were just as real as anybody else. The characters didn't aim for sentimentality and mush, they were clear and direct. Hillary Swank seems to have a knack for playing fierce women and I have to admit the movie wouldn't be the same without her.

My favorite line in the movie comes from the scene where Clint Eastwood consults the priest about a hard decision he had to make. The priest replies without the standard churchy answer, but with brevity. "If you do this thing, you' ll be lost, somewhere so deep you will never find yourself."

Alas, how many times does that ring true for all of us?

The only complaint I could muster is that I had to rely heavily on body language to understand what they were saying half of the time. The characters' accents makes every sentence they utter sound like grunts and growls to me. Also, I can't give away the ending yet, since it's still being shown and you might want to watch it. Let me just say, that the movie deserves its Oscar.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I know this movie was something interesting to watch. Even if I believed it's interesting in an unfortunate kind of way. Even if I'm not a fan of the books. And even if I'm not a fan of Jim Carrey. It's weird that this time, it's the movie that's actually good (pwede na) while the books leave something to be desired. And I have to admit, the movie wouldn't be the same if Jim Carrey wasn't in it, but I still have to decide whether it'll be worse or better.

If you've read the book, then you already know that the movie is about the three Baudelaire orphans who are actually left with loads of riches when their parents died. The story then revolves around the events of passing them down from guardian to guardian. One of them includes the "evil" Count Olaf. Huh. I found him more irritating than cruel. Oh yeah, it's because he's played by Jim Carrey. Anyway, evil Count Olaf keeps trying to gain guardianship of the kids so he could kill them off lump sum and get the money for himself. This involves killing the others who became guardians as well. How? Oh, lemme see: knives, snakes, flesh-eating leeches, normal standard stuff. I don't feel sad for any of the guardians who did die, because they deserve it for being as stupid as not recognizing a disguise when they see one.

I'd like to give credit to the beautiful, beautiful kids who play the Baudelaires in the movie. I love Sunny, and I would adopt her if only she weren't, well, ficitonal. It's just that, they were kind of stupid too. If they could recognize Olaf in his many forms, then why didn't they raise hell everytime they see him?? It could have saved them a lot of trouble. But I guess, the point they're trying to get across is nobody listens to children. Point taken, then. The point and the whole darn stake as well. Anyway, forgive that because the movie is still darkly delicious in its own way. It's gothic nature got exaggerated at some point, but I just shrugged it off. I could always blame it on Jim Carrey. Besides, the story was being narrated by Jude Law, and his sumptious voice smooths down the irks raised by Crazy Carrey's antics.

So now, there you go. The movie wasn't as unfortunate as I thought it would be. And now you also know, am not a Jimmy fan. If he ran for President, I say kudos to the one who haves him shot down before he actually gets a chance to win and wreak havoc to the universe...to put it lightly. eherm. =P

Sideways

I had doubts paying for my ticket to see this movie. First, because I was going to watch a movie as a birthday treat for myself and my friends, and second, we were in Glorietta and tickets cost right about as much as a regular gold mine. So you see, I wanted the movie to be good. Desperately.

Looking at the promotional posters didn't assure me since one is this green bottle fallen to its side with a little man inside and the other is a picninc scene where none of the actors were drop dead gorgeous. Yes, I could get as petty as that. But we went to see it anyway, because I was with six girls and someone had to make up their minds. Hehe.

So glad we did. The theater is almost empty. Aside from the six of us, there were only seven other people in the theater. I was right about it not being much of a blockbuster here in the Philippines. Not with our inherent need to watch pretty actors and bold action shots. Who wants to watch an unattractive man living his mediocre life, eh? Turns out, I do.

Paul Giammati plays Miles -- a squat, pot-bellied wine enthusiast who brings his best friend Jack(played by Thomas Haden Church) to a wine-tasting tourney a week before the guy is to be married. Giammati's character is compassionate; a nice guy, really. But he's psychologically paralyzed due to a devastating divorce some years ago, and he's debilitated, evolved you may say, into a complete loser. Jack is a washed out actor whose last good role was a doctor on a daytime soap shown eons ago, but he's marrying an exotic beautiful woman anyway. To say he's childish is to overstate it. He acts like a teenager, and in the course of the movie, manages regress. Both men, safe to say, has peaked years ago, and are just about to plunge downwards. Or sideways.

During the trip, they meet two gorgeous women and we soon see two very different approaches to courting. The unabashed, horns on display style (Jack) and the "torpe", can-I-just-look-at-you-and-I-can-die-happy style (Miles). Have to give Kudos to Samantha Oh (Yep, that's her surname) and Virginia Madsen for playing their characters well-- characters that seems to prove women peak better than men. =P But the best thing about this movie is that it flows just like real life. You get a couple of laughs and then it'll turn serious. It's believably erratic. And it's the kind of movie which twists your stomach into painful knots, everytime you realize that mediocrity is just right around the corner. Or that you could be living it too, you're just using a different paint brush. Literally painfully true.

It's too bad it's not showing anymore. But if you do come across it again, do watch it. It's one heck of tasty punch.

Promotional Poster for the Movie